Sometimes, drugs and alcohol are merely the culprit that takes claim for victims suffering from much deeper and more serious wounds than addiction to substance.  Some of the worst addictions are borne in fear of facing reality and all the pains that one has suffered throughout their lifetime.  Many of us bear burdens that we have carried from our younger years and we have buried these far beneath the surface.   Pains we feel that no one could possibly understand or conceive as being a reality, or pains we fear to talk about due to consequences that could possibly develop, are pains left to linger inside of us.

Because we are taught to Love, Honor, and Respect our parents; our parents can do no wrong, even if we do not agree with their points of view.  In some cases it is not disagreements in our upbringing that leave us in turmoil, but rather the unexpected or sudden death of a loved one that sometimes leads to shock and serious depression.  Though we may feel that we function normally, there may be barriers clouding our better judgment while suffering through a grieving process.  As we grow older we begin to recognize discrepancies in the virtues we were taught in our youth while we witness our parents or other mentors violating their very own teachings, or we may have questions left unanswered that we will never have the opportunity to ask to a loved one that has been stripped away by death.

Betrayal can come in the form of deception or sudden loss of someone a person once cared deeply about who abandon them.   A false sense of betrayal can be generated by the forced loss of a loved one through death by one's refusing to allow unsettled issues to die along with their loved one; denial.   In my own opinion, betrayal and denial are probably two of the top reasons for addictions and other forms of abuse or self-sabotage.  Whether it was a first love gone bad, double standards taught by elders who did not "practice what they preached," or the death of a loved one, somewhere our barriers of trust have been defied and we have fallen prey to confusion in our lives; questions left unanswered.

As some of us have witnessed hypocrisy continuously practiced by those surrounding us, we sometimes find ourselves confused as to what we truly believe in.  Deception can turn us away from one of the very things we need the most in our lives; faith.  When life has cut us deep enough to violate our trust, disallowing ourselves to open up to anyone in fear of getting hurt or afraid to believe in anything or anyone again; often we turn to vices that tend to make life easier.  Drugs, alcohol, sex, work, power and wealth, control, perfection, overeating, starvation, anger outbursts, and violence are things that nurture our needs of achieving the seemingly impossible; a fabricated sense of fulfillment.

Things that were forbidden, or things that we were told were not possible become a temptation in our adult lives; it's a form of rebellion and a claim to our own individuality.  A lot of us are caught up with the arrogance that says, "This is MY life, I can do as I please!"  Yet, we fail to realize or to care about those around us who are hurt or affected by our actions.  It is our past that has paved the road we travel today and we either choose to realize our own self identity and find stability, or we continue to rebel against those who controlled us throughout our youth by showing that we are of legal age and capable of making our own decisions; even if it means self-destruction or hurting those that DO care.  Sometimes our determination to separate ourselves from the hurt in our past allows negative sources to control our present.

Drug addictions, alcoholism, nymphomania, selecting abusive or controlling companions repeatedly, anger outbursts, domestic violence, workaholism , obesity, and anorexia nervosa, among other things, all offer us a false sense of security and are all psychological disorders.  It is not wise to live in the past, but sometimes we have to review our past to enable us to see why we continue to make the same mistakes over and over again.  We need to rid ourselves of the baggage that weighs us down and set it free forever.  To realize that we cannot change what has happened from before, but to recognize the fact that we do not have to allow those things to taunt us any longer which have brought shame or grief into our lives; we learn to live life in a happier and healthier way.

The true acceptance of others begins in acceptance of our own self.  If we can learn to love ourselves despite the errors of our past and our present; the condemnation of others for whatever reasons will not phase us because we have become confident in our individuality.  We should not continue to deliberately err, but we should forgive ourselves of errors that were not our fault or not meant to harm the innocent.  Things that happened in our years of innocence that were inflicted by others, are things that were beyond our control and we cannot continue to blame ourselves; rather, we must break the chain.  If things hurt us back then, those same things are surely to hurt those that we love of today if we continue to practice ill favors.

To view our elders, our teachers, as individual human beings capable of error also; it helps us to understand why our lives were affected in adverse ways.  Sometimes it may even be necessary to go beyond our parents and view the atmosphere in which they were raised to help understand why they were the way they were.  Once we find a balance between what was, what should have been, what is, and what we can do to improve our futures....  It is then that our security shall attract others and invite them to become a part of something beautiful; happiness.  Happiness comes from a strength that is built within us and no substance or vice will ever come close to the bliss that one shall feel once they have learned to accept themselves for who they are.

copyright 2001

Ani`Fa